Hello my lovelies,
Well where do I starts......I am blessed to say I am now a mom of two. Mini me is now 5 years old, yes I did say 5. Where has that time gone. She is a beautiful, intelligent, funny and bossy little Madden and my wrecking ball (that is one of his many nicknames) is 20 months old. He is such a happy little boy. His smile can and does brighten up the hardest day. I now feel totally complete. I have two beautiful children, a hubby who I love so much and a dog who is more human than most people I know.
Life has had many ups and downs in the last 20 month and I sad to admit there have been a lot of downs, far more than I have admitted to anyone, but I am getting there slowly. I have stopped my anti depressants as the side affects where horrible and I think my body and mind had just had enough of them and I feel more like me again. I can laugh and smile again and it's not an act. I can cry and it feel good. I feel like patting myself on the back and saying "welcome back Zoe I have missed you so much"
Why, you may ask, am I down/depressed?
I am still hurting from the loss of my mom. We are now 4 years down the line and I am only just letting myself accept what has happened and how I feel about it. I am taking baby steps to understand and deal with it. I will get there, even though I am not sure where there is.
Wrecking balls birth is another thing that haunts me. He was born so fast that he didn't breath straight away and we had a 2 minuet nightmare where we didn't know if he would survive. I know two minuet does not seem like a long time, but I can assure you it feels like forever. He was OK and took a big breath and cried and we new our baby was OK but I blame myself for him not breathing. I honestly don't know why. But I do. If I think about it logically, i know it's not my fault, but in the middle of the night when I can't sleep it all come flooding back. This is something I have to get my head round as I want to remember his birth as a beautiful and magical thing.
Well that is a very quick over view of me and my life. There are hundreds more things I could say, but I am getting very sleepy now. Its 5.53am and I have been awake since 1am with restless legs and a mind that wont stop chattering. So good night sweet dreams to you all.
