Fibromyalgia

Hello Beautiful people, 

There are so many things I could say about this illness. I will put the scientific explanation.it in at the end, but for now I want to write this from my heart and tell you what its really like.

Well lets start by saying its not life threatening, but sometimes its feels like a life sentence, I hurt day in day out, not a day goes by when I am not in some form of pain. I wake up every morning hoping that today might be the day with no pain. This hasn't happened yet, but I still hope. The moment I open my eye its like "oh great, here we go again" its takes me a long time to get up in a morning as I have to will my body to move as I cant just lie in bed, I have a family that needs me.

This is a diagram of all the main trigger point of pain 

for someone with Fibro

Then there is the tiredness, what I actually mean is complete and utter exhaustion. I have little to no energy most the time. I have to save up energy if I want to do anything fun or different to my normal daily routine. Its hard to save energy when you have a very energetic Wreaking ball and Mini me to look after and a house to run. So I run on empty most the time.

My senses are also very broken, the way I normally describe it is, your mind is like a sieve, you have tiny wholes that let information through bit by bit, my sieve has massive wholes punched in it. So information comes at me all at once without being sorted. If none fibro person banged there leg, they would think "that hurt" but within 10 to 15 minuets the pain would have gone. With fibro I can still feel that pain hours or days after. 

I also don't like, cant deal with, bright lights, loud noises or strong smells, There is a shop called Lush and it sells the most beautiful soaps and things that smell good. This shop is a Fibro attack waiting to happen, its odd how the contents of a shop can make you ill, it literally floors me.      

Depression - its a big scary thing and yes I have it and yes with every fibre of my body I hide it. Most people don't know I have Fibro let alone depression. I am not embarrassed by it. I just don't want it to take over my life. 

Why do I have it? well to start with, I am fed up with fighting the pain, I have tried to accept it and make it part of my life but for me that makes it worse, so I fight. 

Secondly I want a normal amount of energy and it makes me angry that at 33 years old I don't have any and all I want and need to do is sleep. It makes me feel very down not being able to do things with my family. Hubby and I took the kids to a local park and we all had a right good play. but through the whole thing there was a little voice saying "you are going to pay for this, you didn't make up any extra energy, later you are going to be very ill" and I was, it taints the time at the park for me. but I wanted to play and laugh with my kids, is that to much to ask.

I feel depressed because I want to have a "normal" life and hug people with out it hurting me or let my kids climb all over me with out having to plaster a fake smile on my face as it hurts so much. I want to hear my kids laughing and being loud and silly without first thinking "omg please stop, its to loud" I don't want to spend my day thinking "if I do this with Wreaking ball will I have enough energy to do that with Mini me and Hubby later.  

Fibro fog - this is when my brain get totally over loads with to much information or or to much pain all at once. My brains seem to fog up to the point where I get my words mixed up and cant remember what I am doing or sometimes how to do things. I love to knit, as it relaxes me, but when I am having a bad patch and the fog has come down, I struggle to remember how to do it, that drives me mad and makes me very upset as all I want to do it relax and I cant. 

I have found this post very hard to write as I try so hard not to talk about it, if people ask "How are you?" my answer will always be "I'm fine" or "plodding on" I am sorry if this post seems very woe is me, but I wanted to write it from my heart. I am also very aware that there are people who are far worse of than me and in an odd way I am blessed to ONLY have fibro. 

Now to the science bit or how doctors describe Fibromyalgia  

Fibromyalgia, also called fibromyalgia syndrome (FMS), is a long-term condition that causes pain all over the body.

As well as widespread pain, people with fibromyalgia may also have:

• increased sensitivity to pain

• fatigue (extreme tiredness)

• muscle stiffness

• difficulty sleeping

• problems with mental processes (known as "fibro-fog") – such as problems with memory and concentration

• headaches

• irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) – a digestive condition that causes stomach pain and bloating.

May angels watch over you always. x 

Being a spiritual medium

This is a gift I have had since I was a little girl, but I could never fully control it, it felt like it controlled me at times as I didn't have the knowledge of how to turn it on and off.  

Not long after we lost Mom I felt I needed something to get my teeth into, I started to go to a Spiritual development class. The class was amazing and I met some awesome people. I felt happy and at home right from the very start and step by step I build my confidence and dedication to spirit. I got to know my spirit guides, this is not necessary, but I feel very blessed to know them. They have become a big part of my life. I never feel alone and I feel like I always have someone to bounce a question off. I know to you non spiritual folk that must sound absolutely barking mad and if I am very honest sometimes I think its a little crazy to. 

I work very close with spirit, Its sometimes called "having a direct link to them" which means a lot of the time after giving a reading I don't remember a lot of what was said.  It's like it bypasses my memory, which is good for when I do a lot of reading one after another.

I feel blessed to share this special time with people and for them to feel safe enough to share there emotion with me. People will either burst into tears, look shocked or sit there totally amazed at what is being said. I always make sure to have a pack of tissues in my bag just in case they are needed. 

As a medium I have to be extremely careful how I say things to people. I don't predict, as this can really mess with people lives and they make there own future, I can only get glimpse of there past through spirit.

One of my big rules is never open myself up to spirit in a crowded place as the room can, quite literally, quadrupled with people (spirits) It feels like I am being suffocated. There are times when I have done this like when working in church. I then have to make sure all my protection is in place and ask spirit to talk to me one at a time. This works most the time, but you still do get the odd bossy person who just wants to have there say. If you are bossy in life you will be bossy in the spirit world. God help me when I am in the spirit world as I will never let anyone get as word in, I do love to talk lol

May angels watch over you always. x